Through toys
(among many other things), we define what girls and boys are supposed to like and do.
This is a process known as gender socialisation, where children learn what is expected of them based on their gender. As shown earlier, gendered toys send very different messages to girls and boys — girls are taught to be gentle, nurturing and attractive, whereas boys are “supposed” to be competitive and independent rough-housers.
Of course, teaching kids about the values of kindness or competitiveness is not the problem — all traits have their merits. The problem is when these traits are not encouraged equally across all children, and are instead imparted differently based on gender.
At the end of it all, how does gender-typing affect children? Well, in a couple of ways.
As children grow and learn about the world around them, they pick up on things intuitively. So when pink baby dolls and make-up kits are marketed to girls, and blue car toys and guns are marketed to boys, with very little of the other way around, what kind of messages are we sending to children? What kind of conclusions will they silently draw for themselves?
Even when it comes to counter-stereotypical play, there’s a double standard when it comes to encouraging girls to get into traditionally-masculine interests, versus getting boys to take part in traditionally feminine interests. Rarely, if ever, are dolls marketed with boys in mind, and sometimes dolls are negatively portrayed as frivolous and practically ineffective in child development.
EARLY ON, I SURVEYED PARENTS ON THEIR JUDGEMENTS OF TOYS FOR CHILDREN, INCLUDING WHETHER DOLLS WERE SUITABLE FOR LITTLE BOYS. HERE ARE THE RESULTS, AND SOME RESPONSES.
However, neuroscientists from Cardiff University have found that while playing with dolls, the same region of the brain that lights up when children play with other kids is activated. Like how intellectually stimulating toys can help children better their cognitive development and hone their reflexes, doll play can also help all children rehearse social interaction and build empathy — not just girls!
But the belief that "Boys and girls like different things," tends to grow stronger the longer it goes unchecked. So what happens when children reach adulthood?
When boys are constantly handed cars and girls are handed dolls, should statistics about the gender imbalances in fields like engineering or nursing be surprising? Is it a coincidence that it’s a common belief that women are worse drivers than men, when an overwhelming majority of studies show that women are statistically better and safer drivers compared to men? Or that very little doll toys are marketed with little boys in mind, while stay-at-home fathers face stigma and derision for choosing to be caretakers of their families?
The interests of children are frequently reflected in the toys they choose — and those who have interests that don’t align to gendered standards are often labelled as ‘abnormal’, whether it is by strangers, peers, or family members. They may even label themselves as such, when they start to notice that their interests are not commonly reflected in the media that surrounds them. This label of ‘strangeness’ suggests to them that their 'abnormalities' need to be ‘fixed’ — which may lead them down a dangerous spiral into feelings of inferiority or self-loathing.
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And because gender-typed toys paint such clear boundaries on what girls and boys should be like, many children who are LGBTQ+ do not fall within those lines. As such, the issue of gender stereotypes also closely falls in line with gender and sexuality-related abuse.
How many times have we heard the word ‘gay’ or ‘ah gua’ (Hokkien phrase that refers to men that appear feminine) tossed around as a slur at boys doing something as meaningless as playing with a doll or wearing pink? Or heard a parent chastise a girl for unladylike behaviour by saying something along the lines of, “You won’t find a man that way”?
And the effects of this mistreatment can last a long time — research has shown that LGBTQ+ individuals face a higher risk of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, self harm and suicidal thoughts.
While children who are bullied for having counter-stereotypical interests bear the brunt of the abuse, whether LGBTQ+ or not, gender-policing does not do its perpetrators favours either.
According to a 2015 survey by local women’s rights organisation Aware, 84% of teen male Singaporean students had verbally insulted a boy before for being feminine, by calling him ‘gay’ or ‘sissy’. The results also showed that boys who had been told to ‘man up’ were 4 times more likely to physically bully other boys. Children who are exposed to intolerance are more likely to reflect this same intolerance onto to other children, and the cycle of violence continues.
Putting expectations on children based on their gender is harmful to everyone — not just those who don’t fit in.
